This post is a few years in the making. I have thought about it over and over again, and the words never seem right. What is the right way to tell "someone" you love that you're leaving?
I fell in the love with the Quakers during the spring of 2002. A cozy little Meetinghouse was around the corner from my apartment, and I, seriously in need of a church community, decided to drop in. I chose a Wednesday night, because mid-week services are usually more casual. I assumed correctly.
The group I met was inviting, albeit curious about the tattooed woman who showed up seemingly out of nowhere.
That night changed my life. It totally altered the direction I was taking, Because of that little Quaker church, I joined the Quakers (or, as they're known formally, Friends). I enrolled in a Quaker college, earning my degree in psychology. I got married, helped start a church, worked in ministry for 4 years, launched a company, went through several major life events, including a divorce, all with Friends forming the backdrop of my life. Quaker ethics guided my business principles, concerns about social justice--probably what Friends are most known for--informed my decisions from where to shop to what to protest. I loved being a Quaker, and it gave my life the purpose I so desperately wanted.
Then I met J. Meeting her changed everything. And it called into question the beliefs I'd held for so long. J is in law enforcement. I was forced to wrestle with my Quaker "strongholds", namely, taking up arms, considerations regarding self defense, and the Quaker notion that there is God in all of us.
I love the Quakers; their collected wisdom is something we could all benefit from. But I no longer fully agree with them. I cannot embrace the peace testimony anymore. I no longer see "that of God in everyone".
I am leaving Friends. But I will always have Quakerism in my heart. I have loved it--and lived it--for too long not to. It will be a long time before I shed the peculiar Friends vocabulary. I will bumble through the Sacraments in my new church. My heart will be sad when I pass a Friends Meetinghouse. But I know that God is leading me this way. I have a lot of growing to do, and God has directed me to a new path so that I can continue to grow in him.
Dear readers, thank you for reading my thoughts over these many years. I hope they helped you in some way. I have grown and changed a lot, and I am honored that you chose to read about me.
