Freedom Is Back In Style…

Well, this won’t take long. I heard a nifty little tagline on the Sean Hannity radio show yesterday—freedom is back in style. The topic of yesterday’s show? The Supreme Court hearings on California’s prop 8, which if the court refuses to strike down, will allow states to deny “certain” couples the right to marry.  So, I guess freedom isn’t in style for everyone, Mr. Hannity. But you’ve made it clear you’re okay with that.

It’s Nontraditional, So Women Won’t Do It?

I heard a pretty interesting story on NPR’s All Things Considered yesterday. It was about military enlistment numbers.  Increasingly, males are having a harder time getting into the military.  Why? They simply don’t qualify.  Arrest records, dropping out of school, or simply being overweight keep young men from being able to join.  But recruiters report fewer issues with female applicants.  And as the military accepts more women into their ranks, it makes the recent decision to allow women into combat even more appropriate.

But as might be expected, not all men like this.  Some complain that fitness standards will be watered down to allow women to pass. Never mind that 20% of men fail as well. One very high-ranking man, Bernard Rostker, doesn’t think they’ll come and join in droves, though.  His reasoning is simple: “forcing” women into combat roles is nontraditional, and the work is really hard. Now, I don’t know Mr. Rostker, but I’m going to make a huge assumption and say that he’s never been pregnant (nor have I, for that matter).  But if a woman can carry and give birth to a child, I think she can handle “hard work”. Really, how insulting can one be?  To suggest that women won’t accept a job because it’s not what they typically do and it’s hard is so incredibly offensive. Historically, women have stepped into these roles with no problem—just look at WW II.  The only reason they left those jobs was because the men were back and because the “real” workforce had returned—it was time for the women to get back into the kitchen.

Let’s be clear—I am a Quaker and inherently oppose war and the preparation for it.  However, I am also a feminist, and will be damned if some man is going to tell my gender what they can or cannot do, and whether or not we’ll take a job because it requires hard work.  Mr. Rostker (and all your good old boys who agree with you), the world is changing. Women can and do want to work—and you can join us or get out of the way.

Ending the Guilt-Trip Journey

I'm easily guilted--whether it's into donating money, food, time, or questioning my skills as a pet parent.  Or how good of a spouse I am. Or whether or not I'm ripping off my clients by charging what I charge. You name it--I've probably agonized over whether or not I'm doing it well enough or am even worth it to begin with. 
Evidently, I am not alone.  Sheryl Sandberg writes about this in her new book, "Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead". She argues that women are perpetually guilty, while their male counterparts give no second thought to whether or not they are doing the "most perfect" job, or are even "worth" the salary they earn. I thought about this for a few days, and realized that I need to stop feeling so guilty--especially when I've done nothing wrong. I may not be a perfect pet mom or spouse, but really, who is? The fact that I am there, love my family, and do my best to give them good food, a good home, and good medical care is okay. Actually, it's more than okay.  So "Bark" magazine be damned--I need not feel terrible because I don't give my animals home-cooked meals, or take my Dalmatian to the best agility programs the area has to offer. He is loved, has a good home, and most of all, was saved from dying in an animal shelter.
Which brings me to the salary issue. My other half--a guy--has never once come home and worried that he is not worth the money his job pays him.  He never says that maybe he should be doing more to really earn that money.  But me?  Every time some potential client "knowingly" informs me that my rates are high, I feel horrible.  I say "knowingly" because if they really knew, they would, in fact, know that my rates are on the lower end of what folks are charging for my line of work. This changed yesterday.  A woman from a considerably wealthy area of town balked at our rates. Specifically, she wanted an additional visit at no cost, since, in her opinion, I was already charging her so much.  The price she was haggling over? $59 a day, which included having me stay in her home at night. I happily--but politely--told her to call someone else. I was not budging. I am worth the money I charge because I am a professional.  I have business overhead to pay, plus I'd like to be able to have a nice (yet modest) home, pay my personal bills, and not be dirt-poor. The fact is, she'd want to be paid what she is worth too, so why should I want any less? Just because I can live on less doesn't mean I shouldn't earn a living wage. And it also doesn't mean I should work for "free". I felt so good letting her go.  And you know what?  She called back a few minutes later and booked me.  Score one for the newly "non-guilty"!