I've spent the better part of this year trying to discover my purpose for this life. I studied for and took the law school admission test. I applied to the police department. I started, then promptly dropped out of, paralegal school. It's been a long process. I have searched, I have pondered, and I have sought council from those wiser than me. But no answers. Here I am, still running a pet sitting business, making muffins for my wife to take to work, walking my dog, napping with the cats. Another holiday season is upon us and here I am, delivering gifts to our regular clients like I do every year.
I went to a meeting the other day, and I thought, well, maybe THIS will be my purpose--maybe I am here to take part in this important work. But then another thought came along: this time last year, I could not have envisioned myself in this place, doing some of the work I currently do. Let me explain. Much of my free time is focused on quality of life issues for police officers and their families. A year ago, I would not have imagined that would be the focus of my non-work life passions. And who knows where it will lead. Maybe somewhere, maybe nowhere. But I have decided that is OK. In fact, I have decided that it is OK to have no grander purpose than to make the most of each day that I have. I am going to try to stop directing the current of my life, and instead jump in the boat and drift wherever life wants to take me. I know not what lies ahead, and that will have to be OK. I have to trust that things will work out, that there is a reason for my being here, and that reason may not be wrapped up in my career. I read in a devotional recently that to expect that you are here for great things is a bit arrogant. It dismisses the importance of the many little things that we are good at and appreciated for. I am going to let the universe take me where it wants, and make the most of each stop on my journey with J.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
My story of complete love...
As a young adult, I became quite aware of a deep longing within my heart--something major was missing from my life. It was the proverbial soulmate. I started to search for that person everywhere; each new encounter, no matter how insignificant, was observed in
great detail. "Is this the one?" There was an underlying sense of expectation--each new day brought the possibility of finally encountering my other half.
The concept of two souls journeying toward each other, and finding wholeness, is an ancient one--Plato spoke of humanity (originally in three forms: male from the sun, female from the earth, and androgynous from the moon) being split into separate souls as punishment for their pride. Only when each half was reunited would they find true happiness.
I have been deeply despondent for the majority of my life for a variety of reasons,
among the top was the fact that I hadn't yet found "my person". But something happened in late 2001 that gave me hope.
I started to feel like I was very close to finding my soulmate. It wasn't a hopeful feeling, but rather a deep knowing. I couldn't put my finger on it; I was simply filled with assurance. That feeling lingered for some time--perhaps a few months. Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it was gone. I don't how to describe my response to that lack of assurance--perhaps it was resignation. I know this much: I started to disregard the entire notion of there being only ONE right person for each of us.
And then I met J. Our friendship was instant, and it didn't take long for me to fall for her completely. I felt connected to her in the deepest possible way. For the first time in my life, I was in a relationship where nothing was missing--all the pieces fit together perfectly.
And then I knew: it was J. She and I had encountered each other in late 2001. We were "friends of friends". That peace, the knowledge that I was finally going to meet my missing half, came when J walked into my life. When she journeyed on a few months later, the feeling I had went away. It did not return until she made her way back to me 12 years later, late in the year, exactly the same month we had our initial meeting.
It's almost 13 years since that meeting. My heart is whole, my life complete. I have left my place of despondency. I am, as Plato predicted, truly happy at last.
great detail. "Is this the one?" There was an underlying sense of expectation--each new day brought the possibility of finally encountering my other half.
The concept of two souls journeying toward each other, and finding wholeness, is an ancient one--Plato spoke of humanity (originally in three forms: male from the sun, female from the earth, and androgynous from the moon) being split into separate souls as punishment for their pride. Only when each half was reunited would they find true happiness.
I have been deeply despondent for the majority of my life for a variety of reasons,
among the top was the fact that I hadn't yet found "my person". But something happened in late 2001 that gave me hope.
I started to feel like I was very close to finding my soulmate. It wasn't a hopeful feeling, but rather a deep knowing. I couldn't put my finger on it; I was simply filled with assurance. That feeling lingered for some time--perhaps a few months. Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it was gone. I don't how to describe my response to that lack of assurance--perhaps it was resignation. I know this much: I started to disregard the entire notion of there being only ONE right person for each of us.
And then I met J. Our friendship was instant, and it didn't take long for me to fall for her completely. I felt connected to her in the deepest possible way. For the first time in my life, I was in a relationship where nothing was missing--all the pieces fit together perfectly.
And then I knew: it was J. She and I had encountered each other in late 2001. We were "friends of friends". That peace, the knowledge that I was finally going to meet my missing half, came when J walked into my life. When she journeyed on a few months later, the feeling I had went away. It did not return until she made her way back to me 12 years later, late in the year, exactly the same month we had our initial meeting.
It's almost 13 years since that meeting. My heart is whole, my life complete. I have left my place of despondency. I am, as Plato predicted, truly happy at last.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
My Apology for Marriage Equality
In the Christian tradition, there is a discipline called "apologetics", which is the defense of a position, or practice. In the Quaker world, Barclay's Apology remains one of the best examples of such a defense. Today, I offer my own apology, or defense, of marriage equality.
A favorite expression of mine is "talking out of both sides of his mouth". I can think of no better example of such an act than the marriage debate. On the one hand, marriage is viewed as sacred, different, and special. To wit: "marriage holds a unique place [in our society]. It's a closer, deeper, more intimate bond than any other (Dr. Robin L. Smith). I agree. On the other side of the argument (often offered by the very people who recognize the special union that is called "marriage"), is the 'seperate but equal' civil union. A union that is LIKE a marriage, but is so clearly NOT A MARRIAGE. We have all heard the arguments as to why this separation is "necessary", so I'll not repeat them here. Instead, I offer my thoughts on marriage, and why anything less than marriage is in fact, not a marriage.
Marriage is different. It is more than simply living together and viewing eachother as spouses. It is more than sharing the bills, combining belongings, and planning for a future. I say this not to insult those who do those very things outside of marriage, but to make the point that a marriage is more than the gears that power a relationship. Marriage is a legal contract, it costs a lot to get into, and (usually) a lot more to get out. It comes
with tax benefits, societal benefits, and a level of respect that no dating or civil union can ever command. It requires an incredible amount of commitment. Marriage is celebrated and imagined. No child spends years dreaming of their civil union at the courthouse--instead, they dream of a beautiful location, the cake, what song they will dance to with their one true love. Marriage entitles one to call their beloved by a cherished name--husband or wife. Having the legal right to (one day) call my girlfriend my WIFE is leagues above calling her my partner. On a less lofty level, being married gives couples access to things like decision making, company benefits, and even the right to adopt a child.
Marriage is unique. It is special. It requires more of us and offers incredible returns. It is unlike any other type of relationship we will enter
into. To deny access to such a union is to deny gay couples the chance to live in the most unique, and sacred, relationship one can have with another human.
A favorite expression of mine is "talking out of both sides of his mouth". I can think of no better example of such an act than the marriage debate. On the one hand, marriage is viewed as sacred, different, and special. To wit: "marriage holds a unique place [in our society]. It's a closer, deeper, more intimate bond than any other (Dr. Robin L. Smith). I agree. On the other side of the argument (often offered by the very people who recognize the special union that is called "marriage"), is the 'seperate but equal' civil union. A union that is LIKE a marriage, but is so clearly NOT A MARRIAGE. We have all heard the arguments as to why this separation is "necessary", so I'll not repeat them here. Instead, I offer my thoughts on marriage, and why anything less than marriage is in fact, not a marriage.
Marriage is different. It is more than simply living together and viewing eachother as spouses. It is more than sharing the bills, combining belongings, and planning for a future. I say this not to insult those who do those very things outside of marriage, but to make the point that a marriage is more than the gears that power a relationship. Marriage is a legal contract, it costs a lot to get into, and (usually) a lot more to get out. It comes
with tax benefits, societal benefits, and a level of respect that no dating or civil union can ever command. It requires an incredible amount of commitment. Marriage is celebrated and imagined. No child spends years dreaming of their civil union at the courthouse--instead, they dream of a beautiful location, the cake, what song they will dance to with their one true love. Marriage entitles one to call their beloved by a cherished name--husband or wife. Having the legal right to (one day) call my girlfriend my WIFE is leagues above calling her my partner. On a less lofty level, being married gives couples access to things like decision making, company benefits, and even the right to adopt a child.
Marriage is unique. It is special. It requires more of us and offers incredible returns. It is unlike any other type of relationship we will enter
into. To deny access to such a union is to deny gay couples the chance to live in the most unique, and sacred, relationship one can have with another human.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Bondage
As Passover draws to a close, I have been thinking of a challenge issued to me: identify the things in your life that are holding you in bondage, then do away with them.
Something that continues to cripple me is fear. I am deeply afraid of losing the one thing I've waited a lifetime for: J. There are many reasons, why, I suppose--the fact that she's a cop and has a dangerous job, for one. I've also lost many family members too soon to things like cancer. I suppose I also have a little fear that J will meet someone else. The point is, my fear is so great that it is preventing me from truly enjoying having met the love of my life.
But how then does one cast off the thing that holds them in bondage? I'm not entirely sure. I suppose the first step is simply to identify it. There is counseling, talking with friends, making art, writing. The path to freedom is full of possibilities if one is open to them. I am choosing to be open--the gift I have in J is just too precious to waste. I don't want to spend my life in fear; I want to spend it living joyfully with my beloved.
Something that continues to cripple me is fear. I am deeply afraid of losing the one thing I've waited a lifetime for: J. There are many reasons, why, I suppose--the fact that she's a cop and has a dangerous job, for one. I've also lost many family members too soon to things like cancer. I suppose I also have a little fear that J will meet someone else. The point is, my fear is so great that it is preventing me from truly enjoying having met the love of my life.
But how then does one cast off the thing that holds them in bondage? I'm not entirely sure. I suppose the first step is simply to identify it. There is counseling, talking with friends, making art, writing. The path to freedom is full of possibilities if one is open to them. I am choosing to be open--the gift I have in J is just too precious to waste. I don't want to spend my life in fear; I want to spend it living joyfully with my beloved.
For J
Follow You, Follow Me by Genesis
Stay with me
My love, I hope you'll always be
Right here by my side if ever I need you
Oh, my love
My love, I hope you'll always be
Right here by my side if ever I need you
Oh, my love
In your arms
I feel so safe and so secure
And everyday is such a perfect day to spend
Alone with you
I feel so safe and so secure
And everyday is such a perfect day to spend
Alone with you
I will follow you, will you follow me?
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Just one single tear in each passing year
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Just one single tear in each passing year
With the dark
Oh, I see so very clearly now
All my fears are drifting by me
So slowly now, fading away
Oh, I see so very clearly now
All my fears are drifting by me
So slowly now, fading away
I can say
The night is long but you are here
Close at hand, oh, I'm better for the smile you give
And while I live
The night is long but you are here
Close at hand, oh, I'm better for the smile you give
And while I live
I will follow you, will you follow me?
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Just one single tear in each passing year there will be
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Just one single tear in each passing year there will be
I will follow you, will you follow me?
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Just one single tear in each passing year
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Just one single tear in each passing year
I will follow you, will you follow me?
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Just one single tear in each passing year
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Just one single tear in each passing year
I will follow you, will you follow me?
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you, will you stay with me?
Songwriters
RUTHERFORD, MICHAEL/COLLINS, PHIL/BANKS, TONY
RUTHERFORD, MICHAEL/COLLINS, PHIL/BANKS, TONY
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
"Pray without ceasing", Paul advises in his first letter to the Thessalonians. I used to think that meant pray, as in petitioning, without end. That's a nearly insurmountable task for most folks, especially me. Eventually, I gave up altogether. I gave the occasional thanks where appropriate, but little else.
And then I met J. She reminds me of many of the people I went to art school with. Fascinating, insightful, and endlessly curious, J believes we must always be on the look out for messages from the universe. She sees signs and lessons everywhere, and is deeply thoughtful. Like me, J lost her way for a time. She allowed others to hold her back on her journey, but no more. J finds love, inspiration, and encouragement all around her. And that got me thinking...maybe that is what is truly meant by Paul's instruction. Praying must necessarily be a two-way conversation--you can't have a running monologue in your head with God all day and night. You have to listen. You must look around you. He speaks to us in a variety of ways, and perhaps nearly always in the most unexpected way. Looking, and listening, teaches us to be patient. To wait. We can pray without ceasing, but only when we quit "praying". J said she's back on her spiritual journey. I've decided to join her--it's likely she'll remind me to keep my mind and heart open, and to see the ways the universe is constantly speaking with me.
And then I met J. She reminds me of many of the people I went to art school with. Fascinating, insightful, and endlessly curious, J believes we must always be on the look out for messages from the universe. She sees signs and lessons everywhere, and is deeply thoughtful. Like me, J lost her way for a time. She allowed others to hold her back on her journey, but no more. J finds love, inspiration, and encouragement all around her. And that got me thinking...maybe that is what is truly meant by Paul's instruction. Praying must necessarily be a two-way conversation--you can't have a running monologue in your head with God all day and night. You have to listen. You must look around you. He speaks to us in a variety of ways, and perhaps nearly always in the most unexpected way. Looking, and listening, teaches us to be patient. To wait. We can pray without ceasing, but only when we quit "praying". J said she's back on her spiritual journey. I've decided to join her--it's likely she'll remind me to keep my mind and heart open, and to see the ways the universe is constantly speaking with me.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
I'm supporting a different team altogether...
I am boycotting the winter Olympics this year. No, I am not adverse to watching sporting events. But its hard not to recoil in disgust when it comes to Russia. Vladimir Putin has made it clear that he is not in support of the LGBT community. Putin's government has taken the additional unnecessary step of fostering an environment that is not only dangerous to the gay community, but has also outlawed "gay propaganda" and pride parades. Those who voice opposition risk finding themselves imprisoned.
As if this were not bad enough, the Russian government did some housekeeping of sorts before the games began: because so many locals were driven from their homes to build the facilities for the games, there were an unusual number of abandoned dogs left behind. Did the Russian equivalent of animal control come around and take the homeless pets to a shelter? No. Instead, they shot them.
I'd hoped that in light of Putin's anti-gay policies, the U.S. would pull out of the games altogether. But apparently one must invade a country for our nation to get angered enough to keep our athletes at home. Too bad. It might have sent a cogent message; one more so than the one we sent instead.
Monday, January 13, 2014
A resolution to love...
You know me--church signs piss me off. They typically offend passersby, or worse, outright threaten them. But I had to laugh when I saw this:
"May your troubles be as short lived as your new year's resolutions".
Indeed, a resolution can be difficult to keep. Which got me thinking. How about a simple resolution, one that is not for 2014 per se, but for a lifetime? A lifelong resolution may sound more difficult, but I think the one I have in mind is easy enough: show your love for your partner every day. Don't have a romantic partner? Who cares? Demonstrate your love for SOMEONE every day.
A couple months ago, I left a little note in the kitchen for J to find upon waking up. It was nothing spectacular--just something telling her that I loved her and would miss waking up together. That small token of my affection meant everything to J. I decided right then that I would always leave a note for her. I make a little game out of it, hiding a note where I know she will come upon it during her day. I must give my friend Betsy credit for this little "scheme"--she leaves notes for friends around their homes. I imagine it is sweet to find a handwritten note from Betsy when you are pulling out a dinner plate...
Of course, you need not do what I do. There are many ways to show your love for someone in a non-verbal way. J makes my coffee in the mornings. This small gesture makes my entire day. Which is the point--loving gestures, however small or seemingly ordinary, are what relationships run on. It is a fuel of sorts; one that, when empty, will shut down that particular relationship. So as you decide what resolutions to make for the new year, resolve to not only tell your partner you love them, but to demonstrate it as well.
"May your troubles be as short lived as your new year's resolutions".
Indeed, a resolution can be difficult to keep. Which got me thinking. How about a simple resolution, one that is not for 2014 per se, but for a lifetime? A lifelong resolution may sound more difficult, but I think the one I have in mind is easy enough: show your love for your partner every day. Don't have a romantic partner? Who cares? Demonstrate your love for SOMEONE every day.
A couple months ago, I left a little note in the kitchen for J to find upon waking up. It was nothing spectacular--just something telling her that I loved her and would miss waking up together. That small token of my affection meant everything to J. I decided right then that I would always leave a note for her. I make a little game out of it, hiding a note where I know she will come upon it during her day. I must give my friend Betsy credit for this little "scheme"--she leaves notes for friends around their homes. I imagine it is sweet to find a handwritten note from Betsy when you are pulling out a dinner plate...
Of course, you need not do what I do. There are many ways to show your love for someone in a non-verbal way. J makes my coffee in the mornings. This small gesture makes my entire day. Which is the point--loving gestures, however small or seemingly ordinary, are what relationships run on. It is a fuel of sorts; one that, when empty, will shut down that particular relationship. So as you decide what resolutions to make for the new year, resolve to not only tell your partner you love them, but to demonstrate it as well.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
A grateful start to the new year...
After a year of deep reflection and many life changes, I am in a good place. My traveling companion pointed out that we both have much to be grateful for, and that we should not waste our days being depressed or even hurt. She has a point; although I think I will always struggle with hard days, in general I need to lift my head more and be thankful for the many things I do have.
I know what it's like to feel empty, to know that something huge is missing from my life. I know what it is to search, seemingly in vain, for the right person. I no longer feel that I am missing something major, and I have finally connected with the person I was always meant to be with. I have every reason to be grateful, and in fact happy. I am determined not to waste such blessings.
I know what it's like to feel empty, to know that something huge is missing from my life. I know what it is to search, seemingly in vain, for the right person. I no longer feel that I am missing something major, and I have finally connected with the person I was always meant to be with. I have every reason to be grateful, and in fact happy. I am determined not to waste such blessings.
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