Thinking about "Hate"...

Lately, I've been thinking about hate. Specifically, those who hate me, and how I respond to them. Hate is everywhere--on the radio, on social media, on our streets, in our hearts. In my heart. My reaction to people who hate me--regardless of their reason--has been, at least recently, to hate them back.  And that made me wonder, why have I become that way?

A simple google search on hot button issues--gay rights, race relations, police issues--yields an impressive amount of negative, hateful material. Scrolling Facebook is no less eye-opening. My own page is not innocent. I often rant, re-post articles with my own angry commentary included, and post memes that are not exactly "healing". I am afraid that if I "play nice" on social media, folks will think I've stopped caring about those things, or that I have forgiven those who hate me and work to make my life difficult (try being married to a cop in this climate).  I think it's so easy to hate others these days because it's just so available. Every news story seems to highlight the disparity between groups of people, no matter the topic. It's a continuous barrage of divisiveness. 

 

But it's not healthy to live in a constant state of anger and unhappiness, which I think is what hatred really stems from. It's also not Christ-like. And I long to be a good example of God's love. When I unplug from social media and stay away from talk radio (NPR included), and simply live in my community, I see plenty of good things. I don't see the hatred that is so prevalent when people are "protected" by their online anonymity. And I see my own heart softening. When people find out that my wife is a cop the majority of them tell me how much they appreciate our police. Most people don't seem to care that I am married to a woman, that I am white, that I have tattoos. The list goes on. And I find myself bringing Christ into the world around me by just being nice. It doesn't mean that I still don't get mad, or that I have a handle on things. But it does mean that I am trying to manage my response to their hatred. I cannot make someone else like or appreciate me. But I can control how I react. I can decide not to hate them in return. 

On taking a stance

About ten years ago, I read a book about so-called Godly sex. Now, there are probably hundreds of books about that topic. But Lauren Winner's Real Sex:the naked truth about chastity was different. It had statistics. It was realistic.  It offered solutions. And it was interesting. This book was, at the time, cool. And as the pastor of a young adult congregation, I was eager to pass it around as soon as I'd finished reading it. 

So I was both surprised and curious when I read that she no longer felt comfortable giving sex advice to Christians. Or anyone, for that matter. In other words, Lauren Winner is distancing herself from her contribution to the no-sex-till-marriage discussion.

Which got me thinking about making bold declarations, then softening one's position later in life. What compels someone to behave like an authority--as Winner did in her book--then abandon that stance? And how uncomfortable is it to have that new "belief" while also knowing that your original position is on record, out there for anyone to find?

I feel for folks like Lauren Winner--people who were firm in their footing, then for whatever reason, were lifted off the path and found themselves in an entirely new place. It makes me cautious about dispensing my own thoughts, and leaves me with the uncomfortable sense that I, too, have some bold declarations out there that I'd like to distance myself from.